The Five Levels of Listening

Listening skills can be divided into five levels and in normal conversation we often listen at levels 1 to 3.

When we become more adept at listening and really make a difference, this is when we can listen at the 4 or 5 level.

That’s where we need to be to be able to coach effectively.

Level 1: Ignoring

This is the lowest level of listening, just listening for our turn to speak.

This can be very irritating to the speaker because he knows that the listener is not paying attention.

It may be that the listener is distracted.

This means that the conversation follows the listener’s agenda, not the speakers’ agenda.

I always think of my dad behind his paper when my mum was talking and he would say “yes” and “okay”.

She knew he wasn’t listening!

Level 2: Pretend Listening

Pretend listening is most easily explained in face-to-face conversation.
You’re talking to the other person and they have that “glazed, somewhere else” look in their eyes.

On the phone to clients it happens when you say things like “I see” and “OK,” etc. while working on an unrelated email or similar.

People can tell you’re distracted.

You may give examples of your own experience: “In my experience it’s better to….”

If they ask about an intensive course you may reply: “My son took one of those and didn’t like it much”.

Level 3: Selective Listening

During selective listening we pay attention to the speaker as long as they are talking about things we like or agree with.

It also happens when the listener gives advice without finding out if the speaker wants to hear it.

An example of this would be that you are saying that you are having a hard time with understanding roundabouts and immediately advice on how to approach more slowly is given.

Remember we are trying to make the pupil think.

Level 4: Attentive Listening

This is when the listener asks for more information and a conversation starts. Now we are getting into listening carefully.

Whilst the person is speaking we are deciding whether we agree or disagree, determining whether they are right or wrong.

Instead of paying close attention to the other person, we’re formulating our response to what he or she is saying.

Level 5: Empathetic Listening

This is the highest level of listening and hardest to achieve. It is where the listener employs his intuition and reads between the lines to hear the real issue beneath the words.

To achieve empathic listening, slow down, be patient, talk less and listen more, repeat back what was said to ensure you don’t overlook anything.

A good way to start developing listening skills is to listen to yourself talk.

We have our own conversation going on in our head, some of it negative and some positive.

If we can learn to control our own thoughts, it can be an asset when we start to learn to coach.

It takes a lot of determination to be an active listener because old habits are hard to break.

Really focus on listening and remind yourself that the goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying.

Concentrate, ask questions, reflect, and clarify to make sure you understand.

If you don’t you may well find what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!

If you start using listening techniques, you will be able to communicate better with your colleagues, pupils and their parents and friends.

© Lynne BarrieMA
lynne@lynnebarrie.co.uk