The Importance of Listening

Helping our clients learn to drive is all about communication; it’s a key skill in our daily work.

If there is one communication skill you should aim to master or improve then it is listening.

Listening is the key to all effective communication, without the ability to listen effectively, messages or answers from clients or their parents are easily misunderstood.

Communication can break down and you can easily become frustrated or irritated.

Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process.

Listening is part of the foundation of coaching.

Developing good listening skills is a huge asset in everyday life and an essential coaching skill.

There are two obvious parts to spoken communication: SPEAKING and LISTENING.
A parent usually spends a long time teaching a child how to speak and learn new words, be polite and speak clearly. But, we are rarely taught how to listen, so the outcome is that we learn to hear rather than learn to actively listen.

We tend to take it for granted and assume the person we are talking to will listen. However, the level they listen at can be anywhere from not at all to fully engaged.

Listening has been called the “forgotten skill”.

Sometimes we become aware that the person hasn’t listened and it can become frustrating and cause arguments. This results in a breakdown in communication.

When we listen properly, it allows us to understand fully. When we understand, it can have an effect on the speaker and it means that as they explain a topic to someone, they understand the topic better for themselves: they become more aware and make better decisions.

I am often aware when watching PDIs and ADIs that they are not really listening to their pupils properly and are missing key things. Sometimes a PDI who is inexperienced at asking questions will be thinking about the next question instead of listening to the pupils answer.

The pupil could have been saying almost anything! Likewise, I don’t always feel pupils listen enough to our responses so we need to make them aware of this and of the importance of listening.

Listening is not the same as hearing.

Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear, whereas listening requires more than that: it requires focus.

Listening means paying attention to not only the story or answer to a question, but also how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body.

In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.

For example, if someone tells you that they are happy with their life but through gritted teeth or with tears filling their eyes, you should consider that the verbal and non-verbal messages are in conflict, they maybe don’t mean what they say.

Adults spend an average of 70% of their time engaged in some sort of communication, of this an average of 45% is spent listening compared to 30% speaking, 16% reading and 9% writing. (Adler, R. et al. 2001).

Many successful leaders and entrepreneurs credit their success to effective listening skills. Richard Branson frequently quotes listening as one of the main factors behind his success.

So why do we listen?

We listen to obtain information
We listen to understand
We listen for enjoyment
We listen to learn.

The good news is that whilst some people are naturally good listeners, listening is a skill we can improve if we are not good at it.

Below are 10 suggestions for improving your listening skills and these can be practised at any time not just in lessons:

1. Stop talking

It was Mark Twain who famously said, “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.” Try not to talk so much, just allow yourself to listen.

When somebody else is talking, listen to what they are saying, do not interrupt, talk over them, or finish their sentences for them.

Reflect on if you think you do listen well enough or if you butt in too much, stop and just listen.

When the other person has finished talking, you may need to clarify to ensure you have received their message accurately.

2. Prepare yourself to listen

When a session starts, the coach should be “ready to listen”.

The mnemonic to remember and use is “ALF”: Always listen first.

Put other things out of your mind as the human mind is easily distracted with thoughts such as “What time does my next lesson start?” or “Is it going to rain in a moment in this lesson?”

Try to put other thoughts out of your mind and concentrate on the messages that are being communicated.

When you first meet your pupil and ask, “How are you today?” then you need to be genuinely interested in the reply and the listening process can start.

Remember that the pupil’s mind may be full of all sorts of things as well.

Allow space for them: try to start the session by preparing them for it.

Let them get concerns and worries out of the way so they are clear to fully focus on the session.

3. Put the pupil or person speaking at ease

Help the speaker to feel free to speak and remember their needs and concerns.

Nod or use other gestures or words to encourage them to continue.
Maintain eye contact but don’t stare, show you are listening and understanding what is being said.

When someone finishes speaking, make sure you clarify what they have said.

A good listener is able to clarify vague or muddled ideas and help the speaker to be more specific.

This can be done by repeating words back to them. “So can I see if I have this correct? You feel…”, “Am I right in thinking…?”

By summarising and using the pupils’ own words; we can make sure we fully understand.

It can be a boost to the pupil if they hear their own words coming back from someone else.

4. Focus on what is being said and remove distractions: Actively listen

Don’t doodle, shuffle papers or record cards, look out the window, play with your fingernails or similar.

Avoid unnecessary interruptions.

These behaviours disrupt the listening process and send messages to the speaker that you are bored or distracted.

5. Empathise

Always try to understand the other person’s point of view. Look at things from their perspective and try to let go of preconceived ideas.

By having an open mind you can more fully empathise with the person speaking.

If the speaker says something that you disagree with then wait and challenge with some questions to counter what is said but keep an open mind to the views and opinions of others.

As an ADI we can often get statements from pupils that we know to be incorrect such as: “It would take four car lengths to stop my car on a dual carriageway if the traffic ahead stops and I am travelling at 70mph.”

However, we need to have respect for what they say: it is important at that moment to the speaker.

Each party is entitled to gain respect from the other person speaking.

6. Be patient

A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished.

Be patient and let the speaker continue in their own time, sometimes it takes time to formulate what to say and how to say it.

Try hard not to interrupt or finish a sentence for someone.

7. Avoid personal prejudice, try to be impartial

Don’t become irritated and don’t let the person’s habits or mannerisms distract you from what the speaker is really saying.

Everyone speaks differently: some pupils are more nervous or shy than others, some have regional accents or make excessive arm movements, some people like to pace whilst talking and others like to sit still.

Focus on what is being said and try to ignore styles of delivery.

8. Listen to the tone

Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying.

Everybody will use pitch, tone and volume of voice in certain situations: use these to help you to understand the emphasis of what is being said.

9. Listen for ideas and not just words

You need to get the whole picture, not just bits and pieces.

Maybe one of the most difficult aspects of listening is the ability to link together pieces of information to reveal the ideas of others.

With proper concentration, letting go of distractions, and focus this can become easier.

10. Wait and watch for non-verbal communication

Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be important.

We don’t just listen with our ears but also with our eyes. Watch carefully as well.

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